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It doesn't take much for a child to be singled out as a target of bullying. Combine a small point of difference — say, a weak baseball arm or indifferent fashion sense — with a vulnerable streak, and bullies are hot on the trail.
In the case of Justin Verlaine*, the "difference" was having been born and raised in France until age 10, when he began Grade 5 at a Toronto elementary school. "He wore black turtlenecks and crossed his legs," recalls his mother, Liz Farrell*. "And it didn't help that he wore his heart on his sleeve."
It took only four days for the class bullies to sniff him out. "They would follow my son, singing a song that began with 'Justin the homo,'" says Farrell. "As a parent, it was heartbreaking to watch." She turned to the school for help, and in short order the bullies were expelled from the volleyball team. Unfortunately, that didn't solve the problem. Warning Justin they would "never forgive him," the bullies continued to torment him on the sly.
As Farrell discovered, schools are limited in their power to stop bullying. "I continue to hear from parents that their kids are being bullied, that the school is aware of it and that the problem is not being dealt with successfully," says Dr. Sarah Shea, director of the child development clinic at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. "Schools are certainly more aware and proactive than they used to be, but there still isn't enough being done."
Screen-to-screen attacks
Compounding the problem is that school bullying is no longer confined to school property. With ready access to the Internet, today's bullies have taken to bullying online, or cyberbullying. The phenomenon is not rare. According to a 2005 survey conducted by the Media Awareness Network, 34 per cent of Canadian students have been bullied and 27 per cent of those kids were bullied over the Internet. Data from Child & Family Canada shows 16 per cent of young Internet users report having posted hateful comments about a person or group of people. The Cyberbullying.ca site offers further insight into the magnitude of the problem.
How do online bullies operate? They may send vicious e-mails directly to a target, circulate electronic rumours about the target or even set up "targeted" websites. If your child is being bullied online, Dr. Shea recommends taking steps to block the cyberbullies from accessing your child's Internet service. The Be Safe Online site explains how to do this. "If threats are involved, contact the police," she advises.
Web of support
Justin's Grade 5 classmates were not yet cyber-savvy enough to threaten him electronically. Still, Farrell considered contacting the police the afternoon her son came home bleeding under a ripped shirt. Before taking that step, she turned to the web.
"It was great because I found a range of viewpoints and strategies," she explains. "The school had advised me not to contact the bullies' parents, but some sites offered other advice. I realized that different situations called for different approaches."
In the end, Farrell held a meeting with the bullies' parents, emphasizing the need to "create an environment of mutual safety for our children." Contacting the parents directly was a hard call to make, she says, but it ultimately solved the problem.
Farrell's advice to other parents of bullied children: "The more research you do, the better. By all means talk to the teacher and principal about possible strategies, but don't stop there. Read books, attend lectures and use online resources to empower yourself."
Want even more support and information than you can get from most websites? Leslie Bowman, an educator from the United States, offers an online course for parents of bullied children, as well as teachers and students (Canadians are welcome). With a bulletin board set up for each class, the course offers "individual interaction with other parents and with me," she says.
Canadians are welcome to take the course, which costs $15 US. To find out more, click here.
One-click-away bullying resources
Bullying Online offers advice for parents of both victims and bullies and provides tips for dealing with bullies.
Bully B'ware gives in-depth explanations about the types of bullies and what makes a victim.
* All names have been changed in order to protect the privacy of the sources.
Updated February 2006
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Writer, Gabrielle Bauer
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