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You probably remember the exact moment you developed your disdain for public speaking. Whether you were giving your annual grade school spiel, speaking as valedictorian to your graduating class or presenting to a room full of yawning colleagues, you experienced first-hand the overwhelming sensation of terror that ensues from putting yourself on display and vowed never to do it again.
Strength in numbers
Rest assured you're not alone. Listed above death as the No. 1 fear, public speaking is a phobia that shows no sign of waning. "Simply put, people hate talking in front of others," says Jennifer Johnson of Overland Park, Kan., former international director of Toastmasters International, an organization dedicated to helping its members face and overcome public speaking fears.
"When I was asked to be my sister's maid of honour, the thought of giving a speech overshadowed my excitement about the wedding at first," says Kim Abraham of Burlington, Ont. "It got to the point where I was in complete denial about having to give one, and the only way I got through it was because there was no alternative. Trust me — if there was a way out, I would have taken it."
Phobia-fighting advice
Before you start putting together your speech for the next wedding you attend, follow these helpful pointers.
First, compile any pertinent memories and stories about the couple. Next, edit your list and develop a rough draft, committing as much of it as possible to memory. When you're ready, stand in front of a mirror and practise the speech, paying attention to body language, hand movements, posture and facial expressions. If you want honest feedback, enlist the help of friends and family for their opinion.
Tip: Can't write a speech to save your life? SpeechTips offers a free guide to speech writing and delivery. Other sites, like Speech-Writers.com and Speech Success, can help for a fee.
- Work the room on the big day. Arrive early, smile a lot and get to know your audience if you don't already. Half the battle is feeling comfortable in your surroundings, so recognizing friendly faces in the crowd will help ease some tension leading up to and during the speech.
- Gauge your nerves pre-game. If you're stressed and have butterflies, take a washroom break to compose yourself. Close your eyes, breathe deeply and think positive thoughts. For more de-stressing ideas, visit Toastmasters' 10 tips for successful public speaking or SpeechTips.
- When the big moment arrives, don't forget to breathe, speak slowly and make regular eye contact with the crowd, says Johnson. Also, try not to read directly from your notes. The more natural and personable your delivery, the better your audience's response will be.
Pre-wedding speech jitters
Johnson says although it's an honour when you're asked to be in a wedding, if you're terrified, voice your concern. "I've witnessed some pretty bad speeches and believe that honesty is the best policy," she says.
Here are three additional ways to get past the pre-wedding jitters:
- Incorporate poems and quotes into your speech. Check out sites like Love Poems and Quotes and Wed Wiz wedding quotes. Or look to Encarta's Advanced Search function to find famous quotations using keywords, like love and marriage, to find a suitable clip.
- In lieu of a conventional speech, make use of technology and play a music-assisted slide show of the couple as you speak. Use the advice found on 10 tips for creating a slide show or video montage to compile your own.
- Enlist the help of bridal party members when it's time to deliver. A group effort relieves pressure while still giving the bride and groom a wonderful tribute.
Progress report
A surefire way to gauge your performance post-speech? Trust your gut, says Abraham. "I was so relieved once it was over. My anxiety went away and I felt really good about how it went." Another tried-and-true method: Pay attention to feedback from the audience, says Johnson. "Since the speech is for them, their thoughts and impressions are critical to validate how it was received."
Published May 2005
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Writer, Liz Bruckner
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