Keep tabs on your kids with technology

Use cell phones, e-mail or instant messenger to relay important messages back and forth

By Rehana Begg

As a parent, you already know that your children's wish list at one time probably included either high-speed Internet access or a cell phone. Whether your teen or tween has pestered you or not, chances are you've considered purchasing one of these items as a form of family communication. After all, a cell phone is a great way to keep tabs on Johnny's whereabouts and sending him a virtual hug is not a bad way to show him how much you care.

With safety important to parents, using contemporary forms of communication, such as cellular phones and the Internet, is like buying peace of mind, says Fran Kammermayer, a parenting expert in Vancouver and author of It's Not a Plot to Drive You Crazy! A Toolbox of Practical Parenting Skills for Everyday Use.

According to recent Statistics Canada estimates, about 55 per cent of all Canadian homes have Internet access and just over half of all Canadian households reported having at least one cell phone. So it's no surprise that a recent survey, conducted by Environics Research Group, revealed that if you ask teens what form of communication they use most, they'd probably give one of three answers: instant messaging, e-mail or cellular phones.

For today's busy families, these are convenient methods to communicate anything from a pickup time after soccer practice to a simple message like "I got home from school safely."

Choose a method of communication that works for your family

Learning how to use Internet applications, such as instant messaging, and equipping kids with cell phones that have Internet capabilities allow parents to stay attuned to their children's cyber and wireless habits, says Parry Aftab, a New York-based cyberspace lawyer and author of The Parent's Guide to Protecting Your Children in Cyberspace (McGraw-Hill Trade, 1999). In other words, as long as parents understand how a technology is used, they can communicate with their children about what is and what isn't appropriate.

Parents will also sharpen their own technological know-how, says Tasreem Mohamed, an accountant and mother of two from Richmond Hill, Ont. "While I'm not a worrywart, I do want to keep tabs on my daughter, Shabana," says Mohamed, who sends e-mails from her work computer to her daughter's cell phone.

For families like Helen McKechnie's, cell phones and e-mail are proven lifelines. Her son, Christopher, shares the responsibility of caring for her daughter, Kathleen, who has cerebral palsy. Entrusting Christopher with a cell phone since his early adolescence was as much out of necessity as security. "There are times when I can't care for Kathleen and need Christopher to be home and available to his sister," says McKechnie, who runs her own business selling Avon products in Scarborough, Ont.

With text messaging, McKechnie can "discreetly, quickly and unobtrusively" reach her son at school or check her messages after business meetings.

Check in on your kids from afar

Aftab's firsthand experience as a parent who communicates with her children by e-mail and instant messaging stems from the time she helped run an affiliate office of her law firm in Moscow and spent one of every six weeks out of the country. "The beauty of e-mail is how convenient it is for both the recipient and the sender," says the single mother of two and executive director of Wired Safety, an online safety and educational program. "I used to send e-mails to my children so they could read them in their own time zone and they could send me their homework assignments as attachments.

Put safety first

E-mail and instant messaging, whether by cell phone or Internet, are extremely useful tools and "can be excellent ways for you and your children to bond and share a common interest," says Aftab. However, it is important to safeguard children from predators and inappropriate information. To beef up internet security, install filtering software, show kids how to block unwanted e-mails and teach them not to give out personal information.

Mohamed established ground rules, such as setting a limit on how much Internet and air time her daughter is allotted, as well as with whom she could share her e-mail address and telephone numbers.

Parents don't need to be in touch with their kids all the time because it can convey a subtle message that they aren't trusted, says Kammermayer. "Instead, make kids part of the discussion on what their Internet and cell phone privileges are, so they'll be more vested in the outcomes."