As the days begin to get longer and the crocuses and daffodils begin to poke their heads through the earth, it is a perfect time to reflect on what you want to grow in your life. It is a time for new beginnings and here are five tips to help you create a happier, more fulfilling life:

• Pay attention to what makes you tired for a week. What people, tasks, situations or thoughts drain you of your energy? Make a list of these things.
• Figure out what you can let go of, either through delegation or just by saying “no” to doing those things or being with those people
• Do one thing per day that scares you - whether it’s turning down a social engagement with someone who annoys you, delegating something that you normally need to control or speak your mind in a sticky situation
• Fill the spaces in your life with people, tasks and experiences that fill you up and energize you
• Make no apologies for the choices you make - you only have to live with yourself

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

-From Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars”

In my work with leaders and rising stars, we often end up discussing how to improve relationships with significant others. In all my research my favourite book that offers great advice on how to build intimacy in relationships is called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and here is a high-level look at what he recommends.

According to Chapman, we all have dominant “Love Languages” that we speak that help to build goodwill in a relationship. What often happens when relationships turn sour is that each partner is expressing his or her love in their own favourite language. It is the equivalent of carrying on a conversation in two different foreign languages, then not understanding why the other person isn’t hearing you. Chapman recommends getting curious about what yours and your partner’s dominant love languages are, then learning to speak in a language that has meaning for them, instead of just using your language of choice. Here are the five languages:

Words of Affirmation - this could be compliments, words or encouragement or acknowledgments. These can be about everything from the way you dress, cook or view the world. The point is to verbally acknowledge what you appreciate about your partner.

Quality Time - This is not just about sitting beside each other while you watch TV; it’s about being genuinely present with the other person. There is a component of self-revelation and confiding your inner truths and actively listening to each other. Consider an intimate dinner or walk together, instead of a movie or activity where there is limited communication.

Receiving Gifts - This is the easiest one to learn, according to Chapman, and doesn’t need to involved huge amounts of money. The point is to show that you’re thinking of the other person by periodically giving a physical symbol of your love through gifts. A heartfelt hand-made gift can go much further than an empty, expensive gift.

Acts of Service - This is the language of laundry, garbage and dishwashers. It is important to understand which tasks your partner appreciates most and to focus on those. For example, you may love to garden, but your partner may much prefer that you help fold laundry or regularly empty the dishwasher without being asked.

Physical Touch - Although the most obvious example of this language is sexual intimacy, this language involves any kind of physical touch, including hugging, massages, a casual pat on the back as you’re walking by or a cuddle on the couch while watching TV. Remember to be curious about what your partner prefers and not to project your preferences on them and assuming they’ll get it.

“Life is a sum of all your choices.”
Albert Camus

“To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there.”
Kofi Annan

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

I remember fondly the anticipation of what was to come as we set up the board for an exciting round of “The Game of Life.” Game board out, cars packed with the appropriate number of pink and blue pegs, dice ready to roll. While this was simply a childhood way to spend a rainy afternoon, it occurs to me that in reality, all any of us is really doing is playing a giant, life-size round of “The Game of Life” on a daily basis. The question is whether or not we are in the driver’s seat or simply cruising along, dozing in the passenger seat.

The Game of Life is all Created by You
Life is a game that you make up as you go along. Just like in any good game, you may have a plan for where you’re headed, pack what you think you’ll need and gather the right team around you. However, you will also run into some inevitable obstacles that will challenge you to evolve and grow. The question is not what cards you’re dealt, but instead, what you choose to do with what you are given.

The Game Plan
A solid strategy is the key to winning almost any game. In life, you want to be clear on what your overall dreams are. Who are you, at your best? What are your core values? Where do you want to end up at the end of the day? This does not mean that you have to map out every step along the way. Just get clear about the big-picture and set the intentions that you will achieve all that you desire.

The Toolkit
In order to win at the game of life, you also want to make sure that you have all the tools you may require. What are the skills you will need to develop? What information do you need? What discipline do you need to follow? Who are the people that you need to surround yourself with, in order to succeed?

Chance
With all the planning in the world, there are times when “life” gets in the way and unexpected forks in the road arise. The question is how you will handle it when this does happen.

Perspective
Your success in handling change will be directly impacted by the attitude that you bring to the challenge. Optimism is a scientifically proven way to build resilience and keep stress levels low. Instead of jumping immediately to the victim place of “why is this happening to me” or “I knew it - everyone’s always out to get me,” replace those thoughts with something more empowering. Ask yourself some questions that will better serve you, like “What’s the lesson I’m supposed to learn here?” or “If I had to do it over, what would I have done differently?” or “What opportunities are now available that I may have missed before?”

One of my favourite perspectives is always “It could be worse.” Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I remember the tragedies of AIDS orphans in Africa, or any of the negative things that are happening in the world and it quickly helps me to get over myself and put things in perspective.

Options
The most important question you might ask yourself is “What are my options?” This automatically puts you in a position of possibility and choice - a much better place to be than feeling lost and doomed. Ask yourself what the best case scenario is, what the worst case scenario is, what a likely scenario is and what you need to know to make the best choices in the situation.

Make a Move
For each option, create a plan - and a back up plan - and get into action to create the outcome that you want. This could be to gather information, prepare mentally or logistically for a variety of options or simply leaping into the unknown. Sometimes you have to just do something in order to find the next piece of the puzzle.

Enjoy the Ride
Keep your eyes open and enjoy the scenery. Inevitably the detour that you thought was going to throw off your whole trip is the direct route to an even better adventure then any you could have planned.

I want to tell you about my favourite café. It’s called the “B Espresso Bar” and it’s in a cool area on Queen Street East in Toronto. It is my favourite café for many reasons. The food is fabulous. The music is great. The décor is funky and even the bathroom looks like it belongs in a high end boutique hotel. All of these things are true about B, but it goes much deeper than that. They embody their values in every single aspect of their service. To say that they pay attention to detail would be understating it. To say that they live and breathe their values and their brand in every second would be much closer to the truth.

We spend a lot of time looking at corporate and individual values in our work with clients. We talk about how to embody those values and how to create the desired impact on employees and customers alike. We sometimes see organizations with a list of values that they would like to have, instead of what they actually hold and those companies are easy to spot. They’re the ones with the fancy branding campaigns that promise one thing, but every point of customer contact beyond the expensive ad campaign creates an entirely different experience.

Not at B, though. They really get it. I don’t need to see a poster on the wall listing their values - I can experience them every time I’m there. At B they don’t just value customer service, they actually love their customers. It is not uncommon to be greeted by an enthusiastic “Ciao bella!” when you walk in, as one of the friendly, good looking servers comes out from behind the counter to give you the authentic Italian double-kiss. The chefs are often out front interacting with the customers, making sure that the food is beyond our expectations. The owners of the café are busy cleaning tables and the other day one of them let me sample a soda before buying it. I didn’t like it and he said “no problem, choose another.” The icing on the cake, so to speak, is when they hand you your latte and they’ve carefully drawn a heart in the foam. They really love their customers.

In addition to loving their customers, they value aesthetics. The place belongs in a design magazine. They value everything Italian and it shows in everything from the servers who often speak to each other and customers in Italian, to the Italian books on the shelves, movies playing on the big screen TV and music that is pumping at just the right volume. Again the authentic Italian experience was heightened as I walked in the other day in time for the last ten minutes of the Italy-Australia World Cup game. The place was wild.

Finally, they value fun. Every time I go in there, I can’t help but leave with a huge grin on my face. The servers are often serenading the customers, joking with each other or even dancing around the restaurant. They don’t just focus on customer service - they are committed to creating a phenomenal customer experience. And it works.

So the next time you’re thinking about what you want your values to be and how your personal or corporate brand will reflect that, remember, it’s just about what you do, but most importantly how you “b”.

Money talks - or does it? We see many stars walking away from high paying jobs in search of ‘something more’. We also see many stars staying at lower paying jobs, in spite of countless other opportunities. How do we explain this apparent lack of logic? Simple - it comes down to a classic case of currency rates in a foreign exchange.

There are many forms of currency that are being exchanged every day. These are things that hold value for individuals and often hold as much or more value than actual dollars. Some examples of different currencies may be recognition, a sense of purpose, values alignment, flexibility, passion, excitement for the vision, location, environment and career-development opportunities.

Kathy was a star marketing director for a leading packaged goods company. She found the work interesting, was well-paid, respected the company and was by all accounts on the fast track to the top. From the outside, it looked like she had the perfect situation. Much to her boss’ surprise, she ended up walking away from this prestigious position to join an agency. What happened that led her to that decision? She was not being paid in her highest value currency - flexibility.

The one factor that we didn’t list above is that Kathy was the mother of a two year old. Before she was a mother, she didn’t mind the long commute to and from her office, which was 45 minutes outside of downtown. After having her child, though, the extra couple of hours per day became the difference between seeing her daughter or not. Through our coaching, Kathy discovered that her number one currency was flexibility. She needed to be able to work from home one or two days per week, in order to feel more connected to her daughter.

Kathy put together a business case to present to her boss, outlining the reasoning for her request and an implementation plan that had very little risk to the organization. Unfortunately, the ‘command and control’ culture of her organization was very traditional and was not open to providing Kathy with this type of arrangement. As a result, Kathy left her position for a job where she made significantly less money, but where they encouraged her to work from home as often as she wanted. She has never looked back.

As a leader in your organization (every individual in an organization is a leader, regardless of your title), what are your most valued currencies? What do your peers trade in? What about your direct reports? What about your boss? Be curious about the value that the people around you place on different currencies. When in doubt, ask. Most importantly, be clear about your top currencies and be proactive about communicating what works best for you. Remember, true leaders are proactive and instead of complaining that they’re not happy, they dig a little deeper and make the requests to ask for what they want.

Do you feel lucky?

"I feel that luck is preparation meeting opportunity."
- Oprah Winfrey

Do you feel lucky? Are you one of those people who good things just happen to? People enter your life exactly as you need them, good opportunities are bubbling up all around. Or, maybe you're like the mother in the movie "Hollywood Bollywood" who is constantly throwing her hand to her forehead wailing "I'm so unlucky!" You find that people are out to get you; you always end up with the short end of the stick. Well, whatever you believe to be true for you - you're right.

The truth is that you make your own luck. While it is possible to bring more luck to your life, it is not as simple as finding that four leaf clover and keeping your fingers crossed. There are some specific steps you can take to make every day your lucky day.

Set your intention
What do you want to create in your life? If you had no limitations, what would your ideal life be? Think about all of the different pieces that would be in place. What would your career look like? What about your family life and your health? Would you be traveling? What contribution would you be making to the world? What would you be doing and who would you be doing it with? Think about all of these things and write down your ideal situation.

Assume you'll get what you want
Whatever your assumptions are, you'll gather evidence to prove yourself right. If you assume that people want to help you, you will find people to be especially helpful. If you assume that you deserve to be happy, successful and fulfilled, you will find yourself there in no time. If you assume that your dreams are totally possible, you will see fewer roadblocks along the way.

Follow your fears
Take a look at your current reality and ask yourself what the gap is between where you are and where you'd like to be. What are you afraid of? Commit to doing one thing that scares you every day. Set some boundaries at work that you're afraid to set. Have a tough conversation you've been avoiding having. Get off the couch and take up a new activity. Call up a role model and ask for some help. Tell 3 people every day what your dream is. The direct path to the life of your dreams is directly through your greatest fears

Open your eyes
Assume that opportunity is all around you. Stay open to new people, ideas, information. You will be amazed at the amount of synchronicity that begins to occur when you keep your head up and notice what's going on.

Once you have articulated your intention, chosen assumptions that serve you, taken regular leaps towards your fears and kept your eyes open to new opportunities all around you, you will very quickly find yourself taking major steps towards your ultimate life. Before you know it, you be surrounded by people saying "Your life is so great. You're so lucky." Then, you can simply smile and say "Thank you - I am lucky."

“Whatever happened to the values of humanity?”
- From the Black Eyed Peas’ song “Where Is the Love”

I just returned back from running my new favourite workshop called “Ignite Your Sales: Coaching to Results.” We had the national sales team of a hot media company gathered from across the country. After a powerful day of articulating their core individual purposes, examining the fears that stop them from playing their biggest games and articulating the vision for what they wanted to create, it was time to play with some powerful perspectives to help them achieve their goals. I really wanted to challenge them to step out of their comfort zones, so I asked;

“What if you fell in love with each and every one of your clients?”

We have Valentine’s Day upon us and we will be bombarded with images of love all around. For some reason it is acceptable to talk about the “L” word in our private lives, but it is considered taboo to mention it in professional settings. I think this is nothing short of tragic.

I invite you to use the plethora of pink and red around you this month as a reminder to find the love in the places you’re least expecting. Look at the people around you and see their humanity, rather than their title. Instead of “direct report,” “boss,” “potential sale,” or “thorn in my side” try looking for the humanity beneath the details of rank and role.

As you challenge yourself to find something fascinating and interesting about the people who surround you, you just might surprise yourself into discovering “funny,” “well-traveled,” “volunteer hockey coach” or “new best friend.”

In our work with leaders in organizations we are always looking to build on strengths. In general, this is a great strategy as it is much wiser to do more of what works, rather than waste time trying to become adequate at everything. However, there is a danger of depending too heavily on certain strengths. At some point, too much of a good thing becomes toxic.

I was working with Luke, a senior executive who had built his career and exceptional reputation around his ability to build consensus and encourage collaboration. He knew how to win people over and make them like him. What we discovered through the coaching was that his strength of being well-liked was actually becoming a weakness, as he had been avoiding conflict in order to preserve relationships.

We challenged him to risk not being liked for the sake of speaking his truth. It was very scary for him at first but what he noticed was that people were really responding to him and showing him much more respect. He sought out feedback from some trusted peers and learned that the impact he was having was nowhere near offensive, though it was very strong from his perspective. He learned he had a lot more room to play before coming close to ruining relationships, but at the end of the day, he was a much more effective leader due to his newfound ability to confront issues that needed to be dealt with.

As Dr. Seuss says in Oh, the Places You’ll Go, “Life’s a great balancing act.” Ask yourself what your top three strengths are. Where are you depending too heavily on these strengths so that they are verging on becoming weaknesses?

If you haven’t heard this, or haven’t heard it in a while, let me remind you, “If you don’t love and take of yourself first, you won’t be able to love and care for others.” Just because you can do it all, doesn’t mean you have to do it all. This is a wake up call to all martyrs trying to be all things to all people. As women have made headway in the working world, we’ve been bombarded simultaneously with the immense pressure to provide Martha Stewart caliber domestic performances. Instead of feeling constantly inadequate, know that it’s not possible to do it all. Spreading yourself so thin doesn’t serve you, your family, your employer or your friends. You’ll soon have nothing left to give.

Teach those around you how to treat you
Your daughters watch you to see how they should behave when they grow up. Your sons watch you to see how they should treat a woman. Stop and answer this question honestly, “Would you be proud if they modeled your current behaviour?” If you find yourself spinning out of control, feeling tired, stressed and frazzled, it’s time to break the cycle:

1. Take a look at your beliefs and evaluate whether they’re still true for you. What expectations do you have of yourself? Are they realistic? Are they your own or leftover from another generation? Do your friends and family really expect these things of you, or do you only believe you have to play all these roles? Once you’ve identified beliefs that no longer serve you, let them go and move on. Next time, buy muffins for the bake sale instead of baking all night.
2. An easy trap to fall prey to is thinking that nobody could possibly do what you do, or at least not as well. Get over yourself. Let someone else do it. Sure, things may different, but allowing others to participate actually benefits them. Engaging your kids in helping with the housework fosters a sense of responsibility and independence.

A key skill
Practice the most important two letter word in the English language; “NO”. How many times this week can you use this word? Use it to replace the automatic “sure, I’ll do it” response that may be your current default. For those who want to go to the advanced level, say “no” without an explanation. Trust me - you’ll learn to love it.

What’s next?
You’ve redefined your beliefs. Changed the unsupportive habit of doing everything, into new habits of taking care of you; you know what you have to do and have delegated the rest. It’s time to relax; indulge in an activity that fills you up. Go to a yoga class, have a bubble bath or curl up with a good book - “A happy mom means a happy family.”

But, what is passion? How do you know if you have it? Does it exist outside the bedroom? How do you find it? Our last article on passion made readers curious and eager to learn more. Well, you’re in luck because Lindsay’s my name and passion’s my game!

What is passion?
Webster’s dictionary defines passion as: “Strong emotion; outburst of anger; intense sexual love; strong enthusiasm.” I like to think of it as anything that makes my heart sing or body tingle.

Passions can be hugely significant like feeding the starving children of the world, but don’t have to be. Passions can also fall under the “Chocolate Chip Cookie Factor”. My dear friend Niana constantly teases, “Linds, it doesn’t take much for you. You get elated about a good chocolate chip cookie.” It’s true. I take great pride in my ability to savour and delight in the little every day passions. That’s what I want to ignite for you - living all the little passions to enjoy your life to the fullest.

Try this simple, yet effective exercise for the next week. Pay attention to everything you do. Set your passion-metres, evaluate all you do through the lens of, “Does this move me and make me feel alive?” When the answer is yes - you’ve discovered a passion. By simply noticing new passions you’ll automatically begin to honour them.

Where to look
Playing in the leaves with your children; cruising down a ski hill on a sunny, crisp winter day; going for a run; dangling your fish hook over the boat on a sparkling lake; reading a great book; lying in your partner’s arms after sex; a luxurious bubble bath; a fine glass of wine with your favourite meal or really scrumptious chocolate. Hidden passions are all around. Reflect on your peak moments and introduce more of those passions to your life.

Still struggling?
Turn to the wisest of mentors - your body. An infinite amount of wisdom resides in your body, waiting to be asked. Notice when you feel light; excited; get butterflies in your stomach or just can’t stop smiling. Ask, “What’s going on in this moment?” Chances are it’s an unrecognized passion. If you feel a buzz after a deep, connected conversation with a close friend, notice it, then create more time for those conversations.

The most important step
Get out there! Discover new passions. Try something outside your comfort zone. Take up a new sport; make a new friend; start a new hobby or take on a project at work you never thought to do.

Be willing to take a risk for the sake of stumbling on a new life passion. Really listen to your little voices that say, “This looks cool, I’d love to try that some day.” But don’t wait, take the leap today - this could be the key to living your life with passion.

Donald Trump had some profound advice for the billionaire-wannabes in his new book, How to Get Rich. He said, “Having a passion for what you do is crucial. If you can’t get excited about what you’re doing, how can you expect anyone else to?” This is simple advice. Not easy.

Career transition is a way of life. Lifetime employment is a quaint concept from the past and the average person will search for a new job nine times over the course of a lifetime. While this process can be stressful and exhausting, it can also be a perfect opportunity to reevaluate your priorities and reflect on what you truly want to create for your life. When undertaking this self exploration, here are some key points you will want to consider:

Define what a rich life means for you. Follow the “90 year old test” and ask yourself what you want to be remembered for. When you are ninety years old, sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, what will you regret not having done? What will you be most proud of? How does your current reality reflect this end goal? Take a big picture look at your life. Step off the treadmill for a while to make sure that you’re heading in the right direction.

Unearth your passions. Think back over the course of your life to some peak experiences. When did you feel most alive, happy and fulfilled? What were you doing? Who were you with? What are some common themes in these peak experiences? What activities have you lose track of time? If all of your favourite times took place at your family cottage and you haven’t taken a vacation in three years, you may not be honouring some of your top values. Consider how your career choices will allow you to honour all aspects of who you are.

Turn your pleasures into profits. Who says that work can’t be fun? In fact, why work again when you can design a career around your favourite activities that you would do for fun? Take a look at some of your hobbies and pass times and see if there is a way that you can morph your career to include more of these activities. For example, if you love to go for coffee with friends, start to hold business meetings in a funky coffee shop. If you love to people-watch, there may be a way that you can include more people-development into your current role. Get creative about how you can incorporate your hobbies and pastimes into your “working” hours. Ultimately, you may never have to work again. You will be earning a lot of money without having to work another day in your life.

Ask your role models and mentors for advice. Make a list of people who inspire you. Add to the list people who have interesting careers or who you think do a good job of balancing all the parts of their life. Call every person on the list and ask for fifteen minutes of their time. Ask them how they got to where they are and what advice they have for you. Ask them to pass you on to three more people each.

Stop and listen. It is very difficult to listen to your intuition and inner wisdom when the noise from your daily life is buzzing. Set aside chunks of time to journal about what you are discovering and how you are feeling about your options. This may be an hour first thing in the morning, a lunch hour walk to a park or a weekend retreat in the country. Whatever you decide, make sure to book these times into your calendar and to hold this reflection time as sacred. Consider this time to be equally as important as your most important client meeting. If you’re not valuing your time, who will?

Follow the “Three Feet Rule.” After following the steps outlined above, you will begin to gain more insight into what you are passionate about and what your next move might be. Once you have a clearer picture of what you want, get out there and ask for it. Tell everyone within three feet of you what you are interested in. Ask them how they can support you in achieving this. You will be amazed at how many people are willing to help you out and the contacts that you will start to collect by being clear. You will also have a posse of people that you are now accountable to for following your dreams. They will ask you how things are going and you will want to have something to report, which will further propel you towards your ideal career and life.

At the end of the day, you are the only one that can chart your course when navigating through career and life transitions. It takes energy and strength to ask yourself the tough questions. There is help available to you if you choose to accept it. There are career and life coaches, career counselors, colleagues, mentors, friends and family all waiting for you to ask for their support. The more you step out of your comfort zone, the more comfortable it will become. The path to your dreams is not likely a linear one and will require a curious mind, open heart, a few bumps along the way and a desire to live passionately. If you are up for the challenge, the ultimate result will be for you to turn your ideal life into reality, one baby step at a time. Good luck and happy hunting!

As the leaves begin to change colour and fall to the ground, it is the perfect time toestop and take a moment to reflect on the changes you have made in your own life.

In our “Ignite Your Life: Goal Planning for Success” workshops, we help you create the life of your dreams. From career to relationships, from finances to fitness, we look at all aspects of your life and set concrete, actionable goals to move you forward. You stretch out of your comfort zone and leap through your fears towards success.

While all this forward movement is important, it is equally as important to periodically stop what you’re doing to celebrate the successes you have already achieved.

I work with high achieving leaders and I am always astounded at the pattern that I see. These highly focused, brilliant people have achieved phenomenal accolades and outward success. Equipped to face any obstacle and open to criticism, I find the greatest challenge occurs when I ask them to celebrate what they’ve already done. As they have continuously driven themselves to do more, be more, and get more, they have failed to notice the success all around them. They come to me feeling a sense of emptiness or lack of fulfillment and can’t figure out why.

Dan was a perfect example of this insatiable appetite fore more. A senior partner at a top Canadian law firm, for years he had had a singular focus on the next deal, the next promotion, or the next big goal. While his hunger and competitive spirit was what brought him his success, he was getting increasingly burnt out, bitter and disillusioned. I worked with Dan on stepping off the treadmill for a moment to take stock of where he was.

Dan began to take a few minutes before bed to reflect on what he had accomplished that day. On his morning runs, he thought of five things he was grateful for in his life. Finally, after he closed his next big deal, I challenged him to take a moment to celebrate the success he had worked so hard to achieve. I insisted that the celebration be something decadent, that he wouldn’t have allowed himself to do otherwise. After some thought, he came up with the plan to take a three day weekend and kayak through Algonquin Park. To deepen the experience, he agreed to use the trip to reflect on his recent success and savour the moment while it lasted.

After doing some significant work on celebrating his successes, Dan noticed a new pattern emerging in his life. He found that he had a newfound passion and energy for the work he was doing. He was feeling fulfilled and engaged and felt that he was working towards meaningful goals, not simply running from a fear of inadequacy or failure. He was better able to focus at work, manage his team and was a more positive person all around.

This fall, take some time to savour all the hard work that you have done. Look back on where you were five years ago and celebrate how far you’ve come. Maybe you’ve been promoted at work, found a life partner, lost some weight or run your first marathon. Maybe you’ve developed a yoga practice that keeps you grounded and calm. Maybe you’ve become a really good friend or son or daughter as you’ve gotten older. Maybe you have newfound wisdom that helps you to keep things in perspective and get more out of life. Whatever the success you have achieved, take notice and pat yourself on the back.

Autumn is historically a time of harvest. All the hard work has been done and the hot summer days of sweat and exertion are behind you. It is now time to enjoy the fruits of your labour. So, next time you find yourself frantically racing towards your next goal, stop what you’re doing. Turn around and look at all that you have already achieved and celebrate. After catching your breath and soaking it all in, you will be even better prepared to move on to the next big thing. In the process of savouring your successes along the way, you will find your life feels much richer and more fulfilling. Celebration is one of the most powerful ways to ignite your life.

Amy had a high, profile career in a downtown Toronto firm and a one year old son and a husband she adored. She was blessed with a large group of close friends and was training for her first half marathon. She had it all - right? Wrong. There was only one thing missing. Amy felt she wasn’t living true to her passion. She was exhausting herself by burning her candle at both ends and had forgotten to stop and enjoy the ride.

I first met Amy at a women’s networking group workshop I was leading. One night, the exercise was for participants to reflect on their childhood passions. “When you were 5 years old, what rocked your world?” I challenged. “Grab crayons and paper and begin to draw”. As these women drew pictures of their childhood passions their energy began to escalate.

Amy was the first to gleefully display her drawing. “This is me riding my bicycle. It was pink and had amazing streamers. I used to ride all day. I loved riding my bike fast. It felt so good, so free. Now I’m so busy balancing work, family time and all the other demands of life I can’t remember the last time I allowed myself to play like that.” It was this desire for more joy in her life that led Ann to her first homework assignment. Saturday she was to get out her bike, put her son on the back and have a play day. “But first, I’m going to get some streamers for the handlebars,” she insisted.

What started as embracing the simple passion of bike riding, became the first step towards identifying all of her other dormant passions. Amy learned to use her body as an information source for what excites her and what drains her. If she gets butterflies in her stomach she’s energized and excited. When she feels heavy and lethargic she’s unengaged. Now these signals are used to align her daily activities with the things that energize and fill her up.

A coaching client for over a year now, we’ve implemented baby steps towards Amy’s passion-filled life. Amy discovered a hidden passion that had been bubbling inside of her for a long time. “Do you know what I really love?” she began one day, “I love organizing. I love turning chaos into order to help people create systems and processes that free up their time to do the things they really love. Isn’t that silly?”

Not only was it not silly, but with some great coaching techniques, Amy has launched her own organizing business. Partnered with a friend from her old company they are two of the hottest women to hit the organizing world. “Thanks to Lindsay who was such an inspiration to take this risk and make such a dramatic change in my life, I now live my passions in every thing that I do. Passionate is who I am.”

Five years ago exactly, I was sitting in my cubicle at 9 p.m., eating out of a Styrofoam container for the third time that day. I hadn’t seen my friends in several weeks. I hadn’t been to the gym in months and was slowly losing touch with my family. My boyfriend was living overseas and I was sharing an eight foot by eight foot cubicle with one of my colleagues. I was plugging my 800,000th line of data into the spreadsheet that I had been crafting for months and couldn’t seem to shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong.

Maybe it was the pain in my shoulders. Maybe it was the frequent headaches. Maybe it was my feeling of loneliness or maybe it was my increasingly flabby thighs. Maybe it was even the weekly breakdown I was experiencing as I entered my lonely little apartment only to find an empty fridge and yet another episode of Law and Order. In any case, my inner wisdom was screaming at me: “Something’s wrong here! It’s time to make a change!”

“Make a change?” I’d reply, “But I have the best job I could have gotten out of school. I’m making twice as much money as I ever dreamed I would at this age and I am really good at what I do. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have?”

Sound familiar? Well four years later, after taking a leave of absence to travel around the world, undergoing a major round of soul-searching and eventually starting my own Life and Leadership coaching company, I am happy to report that there is hope for all you dreamers out there. You can absolutely create the life of your dreams. With a little bit of hard work and an open mind, you can have your cake and eat it too. I promise.

I have been in the trenches of an unbalanced, unfulfilling life and I am here to tell you, there is hope! Just follow the five L’s listed below and you will ignite your life like you can’t even imagine.

The Five “Ls”:

Listen. Stop what you’re doing and take the time to listen to your inner wisdom and intuition. Go to yoga, write in a journal, go for a run or have a bubble bath. Whatever you do, take the time to get away from the noise of your everyday life and find the quiet place within you.

Learn. Once you have taken the time to listen to your inner voices, pay attention to what you are hearing. Write down your dreams, passions, values and life goals. Consider what your current reality is and notice the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be. Pay attention to the patterns and begin to learn about what makes you feel alive, fulfilled and balanced.

“Is the life I’m living the life that wants to live me?” - Parker Palmer

Leap! Okay, now that you have learned about the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be, make a list of the “baby steps” that you could take to close that gap. Write down all the fears you have about taking those necessary steps. Now, get into action! Pick the one thing that scares you the most and do it. Once you are in motion , your fears will quickly disappear. The most frightening thing is to step into the unknown. The moment you are “leaping into action”, you are able to handle any reality and the confidence that you gain along the way will further propel you towards your dreams.

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” - Anais Nin

Lean. You do not have to chart this course on your own. Look around you to identify the allies you have in your life. If you feel that you are lacking immediate support, go out and find the support you deserve elsewhere. Join a running group, find a working moms’ group, create a women’s networking group at work or hire a coach. Ask for help. Assume that people are just waiting for you to tell them how they can support you.

Love Yourself. Do your best and forgive the rest. Take baby steps. Treat yourself with the same amount of compassion that you would your child or your best friend. Set realistic goals and celebrate the small victories along the way. The more you accept in yourself, the more compassion you will feel for others.

I had the opportunity just the other day to celebrate some of the victories I’ve achieved in my own life. I was leading one of my favourite workshops and was reminded of just how far I’ve come thanks to living according to the tips outlined above.

I asked the participants to list out some of their dreams and was delighted to discover that I had once shared many of their dreams and that now, they were my reality. Working for myself? Check. Working from the dock when I want? Check. Going to yoga in the middle of the day? Check. Traveling around the world? Check. Running a marathon? Check. Finding a soul mate? Check. Spending lots of quality time with family and friends? Check. Having a meaningful impact through my work? Double-check.

As a converted dreamer, I invite you to be open to the possibility that you can and will have anything you set your mind to. Go for it. Dream big. Find the thing that frightens you the most and commit to confronting it by the end of the week. This is the path to fulfillment. This is the way to ignite your life.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.” - Henry David Thoreau