I used to know exactly what my children were doing on the computer. That's because I used to do it with them. Those days have come and gone. Now when I get within viewing range of the computer, the screen is likely to mysteriously go blank. Their eyes go down to their books.

Sometimes I can see or hear what my younger daughter is doing online (or so I think). My older daughter, who is now at high school, is in a world of her own. I get clues to what's going on behind her closed door only when I hear music being played at high volume. The only time I lay eyes on her computer is when I feed her pet fish or, just as frequently, when she asks me to help solve a computer problem.

Setting limits with Parental Controls

Teens spend most of their computing time online. One of the responsibilities of parenthood is to keep track of them. I was concerned about the threats my kids might be encountering on the Internet, both from websites that try to install malicious software and from explicit "adult" websites that can easily be accessed or even stumbled upon accidentally.

Unfortunately, the more you try to monitor kids, the more they try to avoid you. When I talked to my 15-year-old daughter about software that allows parents to monitor their kids computer activities, she said she understood that many kids might need such monitoring. But she didn't say she needed such controls herself.

"If it would work and if kids couldn't find a way around it, it would be a good idea," she told me.

Even this half-hearted statement was good enough for me. The shared computer we have in the family room runs Windows Vista Home Premium, so I decided to turn on the Parental Controls feature built into the operating system. I started by setting some limits on my teens' use of this computer.


Turning on Windows Vista Parental Controls is a good way to grow an extra pair of eyes in the back of your head

I found Parental Controls remarkably easy to configure. By setting up separate user accounts in the Control Panel I was able to tweak the Parental Controls settings for each of my daughters. For my 13-year-old, I restrict access to instant messaging programs. For my 15-year-old, I block instant viewing of movies online; she has to ask me for permission beforehand.

These days, my daughters are likely to stay up later than I am. I set Parental Controls to block computer use after midnight.

Originally, when I blocked out the hours when they could not use the computer, I went from midnight to 8 am because I thought it unlikely that they would be surfing the web before breakfast. Not so; I heard the following:

"Dad, I need to get my homework before I go to school."

"Shouldn't you have gotten your homework last night?"

"Daaaad!" That peculiar three-syllable word told me I had better change the blackout times and not engage in any more back-and-forth.


Even if they're not sleeping, I’m assured that my daughters can't use the shared computer in the wee hours

Please note: Parental Controls are available only in Windows Vista Ultimate, Home Premium, Home Basic, and Starter editions, and they are not available if your computer belongs to a domain. Learn more about the versions of Windows Vista here.

Website monitoring: "Don't you trust me?"

I use Windows Vista, but my elder daughters individual computer runs Windows XP. Family Safety from Windows Live OneCare is the perfect solution for the entire household because it can work with both operating systems.

Family Safety is a mixture of software you install on your computer and an online service that works with your web browser. Like Parental Controls, it enables you to block and allow specific websites and to view activity reports so you know what your kids have been doing. But Family Safety goes a step further by letting you decide whom they can contact online through the Windows Live Messenger instant messaging program and the Windows Live Hotmail email service.

The idea of installing Family Safety on computers met with considerable resistance, especially when I told them that they would have to sign in to use it, and that I would have the ability to block websites and track their online activities.

"That sounds really weird," said my 13-year-old. "Don't you trust me?"

I explained that Family Safety would keep her from visiting websites where she might be exposed to "adult" content or other things that were unsuitable for her. Not surprisingly, she asked how I would determine whether or not the sites were unsuitable. Fortunately, it isn’t just me making the decisions. Family Safety includes a content filter that can block or allow websites by the categories I choose. For instance, I can choose to block all websites classified as pornography.

Family Safety also provides me with settings recommended by the American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP) for children in specific age ranges. For children 11 to 14, the AAP recommends blocking sites that deal not only with obvious no-nos like bomb making, drugs, hate speech and the like, but also sites that provide web-based chat or email. I don’t have a problem with my daughters using web mail so I allow them to use such sites. If my daughters want to visit a blocked site, they can send me a message asking for permission, which I can grant or deny.


Kids can ask parents for permission to visit a blocked website

When I first installed Family Safety, I told my daughters why I thought it was important to set up the system rather than simply forcing it on them, and we discussed the kinds of activities and sites that would be permitted. We agreed, for instance, that some of their favourite game-playing sites would be specifically allowed. I also mentioned to them that activity reports would keep a record of their online activities. But I quickly added that I trusted them and wouldn't check the reports on a regular basis.

After setup was complete, my daughters pointedly asked why they were being prompted to sign in to the program whenever they went online. After a few days, things quieted down. I received only one request to access a blocked site; it was a chat site and I decided to allow it. Overall, the system has run pretty smoothly.


You may never use the activity reports, but it's good to know there's a record of your child's Internet use in case there's cause for concern

What I learned about my kids

Although my girls would never admit it, I think they are comforted by the monitoring features of Parental Controls and Family Safety and reassured that there is always room for negotiation. Like so many other components of teen-parent relationships, computer use is a series of give-and-take experiences. And these programs helped me learn something about my kids. I already knew how bright and wonderful they are. I learned that they don't mind some oversight, especially if we set up the monitoring systems together and keep communicating.

Parental Controls are part of Windows Vista's "Top 10" features
Learn all about setting up and managing Parental Controls in Windows Vista
Read more about Windows Live OneCare and get a free 90-day trial