Kids on planes: 5 survival tips

The flying time from Tel Aviv to Newark, N.J., is about 11 hours. But to Patricia Skewes, it seemed like an eternity — thanks to the young passengers sitting behind her in economy class.

"There were three children, ranging in ages between five and 10 years old, and their parents were sitting far away in business class," remembers Skewes, a jewelry store owner in Marshall, Minn. "Our seats were kicked and pounded. They screamed. They would bite each other and roll around the seats, kicking our backs. The people all around were very upset, but the flight attendants could do nothing."

Kids on planes. Mention it to any traveler — particularly a frequent business traveler — and you're sure to get a strong reaction. Skewes certainly isn't holding back. "We were held captive by little terrorists," she says.

Can't we just all get along? No, we can't.

Kicking, screaming, unruly children, and their oblivious (possibly negligent) parents are a reality of life on the road. A reality few travelers seem to like. A 2006 survey by corporate travel agency Carlson Wagonlit found that crying babies are the No. 2 pet peeve when they're traveling. The only thing that annoys these road warriors more, the poll found, was air travelers who carry too much luggage on board.

That's probably a nice way of putting it. A decade ago, as a columnist for another Web site, I conducted an online survey one week. The question: Who would they prefer to ban from planes — babies or pets?

Guess who got voted off the plane? The kids, of course. By a wide margin.

After that particular column was published, I was derided by some readers as a "child hater," so to prove them wrong, I started my own family (two kids and counting) and began traveling with them. Not much good it did me. I'm still sympathetic to the other side — the adults who just want a little peace and quiet on their trip.

Until babies are verboten from flying, here are five survival tips for those grown-ups who want to stay sane on the plane:

Talk to them. It may seem obvious, but often, in our annoyance, we forget the obvious. Now granted, you aren't going to be able to reason with a 2-year-old (trust me, I've tried). But a 7-year-old is much better able to understand that the tray table belonging to the seat behind you isn't a drum set. A simple, "Excuse me," or, for teenagers, perhaps even a throat-clearing, is often all it takes to compel these junior passengers to straighten up and fly right.
Tattle. You know the old saying, "There's no such thing as a bad dog, just a bad owner." Well, the same can be said for kids and their parents, according to some airline passengers, many of whom have seen lap-dogs that are better behaved than under-age travelers. If a child is non-responsive to your pleas for a little civility, then maybe his parent will be. No need to scold. In all likelihood, the parents are already feeling the heat from other passengers. Often, it only takes a little eye contact to communicate your need for support, and to prompt them to act. If they don't, try to approach them in a non-threatening way. You don't want to become another air-rage statistic.
Distract the kids. That's what Stevanne Auerbach, a child development specialist and author of the book, "Smart Play/Smart Toys" advises. "I always take along a supply of colorful toys to quickly — with parental approval — give to a child to calm down its fears or minor upsets," she says. Why should other people's kids be any concern of yours? Well, in a perfect world, they wouldn't be. But parents sometimes forget to bring toys and coloring books to keep their preschoolers occupied on an extended flight. Would you rather that their forgetfulness becomes your problem? The key is to secure a parent's approval before offering a toy to a child. Otherwise, it could make a stressful situation even worse.
Call a referee. Flight attendants often demand unquestioning obedience from their passengers — so why not expect them to do the same with their youngest fliers? Again, it isn't a matter of reminding crewmembers to do their jobs. They normally don't take too kindly to that. Rather, it is a matter of bringing the unruly child to the purser's attention and letting the airline employee decide the best course of action. Flight attendants have the authority to separate passengers who don't get along, and let's be honest, what kid in his right mind isn't going to heed the instructions of someone in a uniform?
Move. If all else fails, find another seat. (Some of you with less patience may skip the first four points and just try No. 5. I wouldn't blame you.) Once the cabin door is closed, you can move anywhere within your class of service. So if you're sitting next to kids who look like they might be trouble, wait until the doors shut, and then bolt for the nearest empty seat (but heed the instructions of the crew; after all, you don't want to get yourself moved all the way off the plane).

There isn't always an easy way out. Pamela Blodgett, a second-grade teacher from San Jose, Calif., decided to spring for an upgrade on a recent trip to Hawaii. She ended up sharing the first-class cabin with a large family that had seven boisterous kids. Throughout the 6.5-hour trip, their offspring pelted her with bits of play-dough and crackers.

"I like kids," she says. "But this was way over the top."

The parents were obviously in over their heads, too. Even though Blodgett appealed to them, they seemed powerless to intervene. "Dad did nothing," she remembers. "Mom seemed to be either nursing or changing a diaper for the entire flight."

At the end of the trip, as they deplaned, Blodgett overheard someone from the economy class section remarking how lucky they felt that they weren't in first class.

All of which may be reassuring to passengers who, despite trying these five survival tactics, still end up next to an enfant terrible: eventually, the flight ends.