Find out if you can even have a business. Yeah, I hear ya — talking to the city on the up and up ain't your normal routine, but you gotta find out if you can even run a business where you're at. Lots of places have zoning laws that don't let you run certain kinds of businesses in certain places — 'specially in your home. So drop a nickel to see if the racket you got in mind is copasetic by them.

Get a license, bub. OK to have a business where you're gonna be? Jake. Now, you gotta go get a business license so everything's nice and legal between you and the city. But, before you hop a yellow downtown, cram some facts into that thick skull of yours. The form you're gonna fill out's will ask you all sorts of stuff — who's the brains behind it, how much you think you're gonna pull in the first year ("gross revenue" is the 50-cent name they slap on it) and other little tidbits. So, know all the facts about your business before you go so's you're able to spill anything the downtown suits want to hear.

Get a DBA. Once you've inked the business license form, it's gonna go before a board. Relax, it ain't no parole board, but a committee that decides whether to OK your license or not. In the meanwhile, next on the list is your DBA. (Missed that day of school? That's your "Doing Business As," smart guy.) A DBA lets you open up a legit bank account under the name you choose. But, before you file your DBA, you gotta decide on a name. And that may mean some legwork: "You can generally file your DBA on the same day as you apply for a business license, but you may need to do some research to make sure nobody else already has it," says Linda Pinson, who inked a real book — no pictures or anything — called "Steps to Small Business Start-Up." "You can have that checked at the county clerk's office and, if you're really concerned, you can check it at the state level."

Next stop, the Daily Planet. Once you put in for your DBA, you gotta let everybody know that's the name you're gonna go by. So, swing on over to Perry White's office and set it up so's the local rag publishes an announcement for a few days. Here's the inside dope — ask the newspaper if they can publish and then file your DBA request themselves. Pinson says lotsa papers do this. In fact, make the rounds — a smaller rag may charge less than the big-shot metro for the same publish-and-file service (Pinson says all it's gotta be in is what's called a "general circulation" newspaper).

Da seller's permit. You ain't gonna like this if you're Capone. If you're gonna sell anything that's taxable, you gotta get a seller's permit from the state. This means you're gonna collect sales tax and actually hand it over to the state boys. You get this from the state Department of Revenue or what's called your State Board of Equalization. This application puts you through the mill; they're gonna ask about bank accounts, what's known as your assets and liabilities and other stuff. Then, you're gonna have to meet with some suit from the state who goes over all the dope you put down on your application. By then, you'll have a pretty good feel if you're gonna get the go ahead to open up your doors.

Get your story straight. Don't be a sap. Before you do anything, make sure you're on the uptake about every step you're gonna have to take and what they're gonna ask ya. If you're armed and loaded — so's to speak — things will go smoother.

You may not need a DBA. A nod and a wink here. If you're using your own name (not to say you'll be dumb enough to do that) you may not need to file a DBA, 'specially if it's some fancy foreign name that ain't nobody else is gonna use. If you go by Smith or Jones, though, you probably gotta file a DBA.

Watch your DBA back. Still, getting a DBA ain't a bad idea, 'cause it protects the name you choose. Pinson says she knew of some Joe who had a business goin' real good, only he never filed a DBA. Some grifter came along, filed for a DBA under the name of the business and then offered to sell the guy the name. Guy wouldn't give, had to change the name of the business and took it square on the jaw.

How many simoleons? Just how much all this is gonna set you back depends on lotsa things. Some places charge a flat fee, others sock you based on how much you think your business is gonna pull in cash. But, no matter what you drop, look at it this way: It's all part of being a respectable, fair and square business type. Capiche?