The Dear Jean diaries on Nellie and the Bee Gees

Nurse BB uses the internet to track down the perfect present for a colleague who wants to get fit, and finds out why the Bee Gees beat Nellie the Elephant at cardio-pulmonary resuscitation.

Dear Jean

Well, it looks like it’s time to prepare for the pitter patter of tiny feet! No, I’m not in the family way – my colleague Gillian Crooks has decided to run the London marathon! (Yes, that Gillian Crooks - shoe size 4, since you ask).

She’s been dieting for the last few weeks and has lost a stone - now there’s no stopping her in her determination to get fit. Apparently it’s quite difficult to get your name on the list to run a marathon nowadays, unless you have some kind of corporate sponsor or you’re running on behalf of a famous charity. Gillian was one of the lucky few individuals who got through…

It’s her birthday next week and I was really stuck for a gift. Then it occurred to me that she’s been panicking about starting some kind of training regime (a daunting thought for someone who used to be a ‘two-pints-of-lager-and-a-packet-of-Bensons’ a day girl).

She really needs to start off with some brisk walking… and build up to a breathless, wheezing jog from there. A pedometer struck me as the ideal gift. It would help and encourage her during training, and she’d be able see a tangible improvement over the weeks as she increased in both distance and stamina. Well, that’s the theory anyway!

However, when I did a couple of searches online, I was taken aback by the vast array of pedometers on offer. A baffling assortment of devices presented themselves, with enough widgets and gizmos to challenge even the most serious of runners.

I didn’t want to get Gillian anything too technologically advanced, as she’s also the kind of girl who calls a radio a wireless. Then, last week, I happened to be in the West End and realised I wasn’t far from John Lewis.

I called the other half on my mobile and asked him to browse the John Lewis website for pedometers. After five minutes he rang back and described a choice of three in stock with varying prices, one of which sounded absolutely perfect.

Nothing too complicated, and it came in a nice sporty blue and white colour scheme (which will match her trainers). I popped in and found the item straight away - oh the joys of the internet! Let’s hope it’ll help her get her into her stride.

Talking of rhythms, we finally had our rescheduled CPR day – ironically, it had been postponed because the teacher had heart problems. I was amused to hear the replacement tutor describing the ideal way to remember the speed at which you should administer chest compressions.

Apparently one of the best rhythms you can choose (you need to mentally hum this to yourself) is the chorus of the Bee Gee’s ‘Staying Alive’. She told us that in the old days they used to hum ‘Nellie the Elephant’. This was fine when it was a ratio of 15:1 compressions to breaths, but now it’s 30:2, nobody knows the words to the second verse.

So poor Nellie has taken a back seat to the Bee Gees (although I’m still not sure why they didn’t simply repeat the first verse!) Interestingly, ‘Staying Alive’ seems to win unanimously on Google when you do a search on chest compression songs… boy, those Gibb brothers must have some pretty powerful people working in their marketing department.

You do find some strange things while surfing the internet. I was doing a bit of research on diabetes, and stumbled across a website featuring a long list of ‘famous diabetics’ (- further searches revealed ‘famous one-eyed people’, ‘famous people with club feet’ and the inimitable ‘alopecia wall of fame’. Damn these internet distractions).

I suppose I can just about understand why somebody might be interested in the fact that Sharon Stone or Andrew Lloyd Webber are diabetic (unverified, I hasten to point out)... I can imagine that the compiler thought it might be inspirational to a person with diabetes to discover that famous people have managed to overcome this hurdle in life… gone on to achieve great things…won Oscars, etc, etc.

However, when the list got to people like ‘Sarah Bina, Championship Clogger’, I had to question the compiler’s definition of ‘famous’! On that note, dear girl, adieu until next time.

BB x