“My name is SassyBlack, and I support holding space to heal.”
My journey of self-discovery has been a series of crossroads. You think maybe you’ll only cut through those intersections every so often, but I seem to keep coming to them. My journey is not something that's all the way paved; it doesn’t make all the way sense. I’m still figuring it out. But the truth is, that feels really good. It’s what feels right for me.
One thing I do know is that no matter where I’m headed, I’m doing it with confidence in my queerness. Queer feels weird and bizarre—which is what I am, who I am. Queer fits all my personalities and personas. Every single side of myself fits under queer. (Plus it’s only one letter off from queen, and I feel like I have very queenly tendencies.)
But getting here—feeling and celebrating my queerness—has been an ongoing process. I came out at 12, and experienced little revelations all through my teens and 20s. I’ve always been an excitable, energetic kind of person, but I don’t always let people see that side of me. When I was younger, I allowed all the anxious energy that could have been an asset when projected outward to project inward. I needed to hear that there was so much more in the world for me. I didn’t need to have it figured out then—I still don’t need to have it figured out.
I understand now that most everyone was doing the same thing when they were younger, too: trying to learn more about themselves. But it was hard. Identity is hard because it’s not fixed, even though we so desperately want it to be so we can make sense of ourselves and others.
It’s important to consider how labels—words like gay, trans, lesbian, bisexual, and queer—rest within you. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find what feels good, where I find rest. That’s why “queer” works best for me. It captures my spirit and allows me to move in many ways at once. I feel the greatest peace here.
And now that I’m discovering what it’s like to be 30, I’m really trying to rock with who I am in all my queerness. I’ve never been more confident in myself. And I love the struggle that’s allowed me to become this; the struggle that’s allowed me to gain confidence in myself and assert myself as SassyBlack.