Steve Carell - October 1, 2005
Season 31, Episode 1 TV-14
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Steve Carell Monologue: Steve Carell sings about his show business good fortune. Commercial Parody: Dad: A parody of the Morgan-Stanley investments commercials (Will Forte, Amy Poehler, Andy Samberg, Fred Armisen). Jet Blues: The emergency landing of a Jet Blue flight as viewed by the passengers on the in-flight TVs (Steve Carell, Amy Poehler, Darrell Hammond, Seth Meyers). Celebrities Help New Orleans: Anderson Cooper (Seth Meyers) interviews celebrities who are helping to rebuild New Orleans, including Sharon Stone (Amy Poehler), Ray Romano (Steve Carell), Tony Danza (Fred Armisen), Aaron Neville (Horatio Sanz), Geraldo Rivera (Darrell Hammond) and Al Pacino (Bill Hader). Weekend Update: Bill and Andy Impression-off: New cast members Bill Hader and Andy Samberg have an impression contest. Downer Wedding: At a family wedding, Debbie Downer (Rachel Dratch) meets Bob Bummer (Steve Carell).
Jon Heder - October 8, 2005
Season 31, Episode 2 TV-14
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Jon Heder Monologue: Jason Sudeikis plays an old friend who suspects that the character of Napoleon Dynamite was based on him (Fred Armisen, Will Forte). Weekend Update: Tim Calhoun: Tim Calhoun (Will Forte) wants to be President of the Senate. Company Retreat: The repercussions of drinking too much on a company retreat weekend (Seth Meyers, Jason Sudeikis, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, Jon Heder). First Date with Operator Lady: Rachel Dratch is the voice of automated phone prompts (Jon Heder). Commercial Parody: Black Eyed Peas: The Black Eyed Peas are available for your party needs (Jon Heder, Amy Poehler, Kenan Thompson, Finesse Mitchell, Bill Hader).
Catherine Zeta-Jones - October 22, 2005
Season 31, Episode 3 TV-14
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Catherine Zeta-Jones Monologue: No matter how badly the show goes, they can't take away her Oscar. News Anchor: Catherine Zeta-Jones is a reporter in Iraq who doesn't have access to hair, make-up, or good hygiene (Darrell Hammond). Fosse Party: Catherine Zeta-Jones takes her boyfriend (Seth Meyers) to a party with all dancers. French Teacher: Catherine Zeta-Jones is the sexy new French teacher in school (Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, Horatio Sanz, Finesse Mitchell).
Lance Armstrong - October 29, 2005
Season 31, Episode 4 TV-14
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Lance Armstrong Monologue: Lance Armstrong takes questions from the audience (Sheryl Crow, Fred Armisen). Iron Man: Lance Armstrong is great at the biking portion of a triathlon, but can't really run or swim (Seth Meyers, Chris Parnell, Finesse Mitchell). Weekend Update: Finesse on Rosa Parks: Finesse Mitchell talks about the legacy of Rosa Parks. Weekend Update: Scott Podsednik: White Soxer Podsednik talks about the World Series with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Carol on a Double Date: Lance Armstrong is enchanted by Carol (Horatio Sanz) (Amy Poehler, Jason Sudeikis).
Jason Lee - November 12, 2005
Season 31, Episode 5 TV-14
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Jason Lee Monologue: Jason Lee takes the cast skateboarding (Lorne Michaels, Fred Armisen, Horatio Sanz, Kenan Thompson). Good Morning Meth: A talk show dedicated to the crystal meth lifestyle (Jason Lee, Amy Poehler, Kenan Thompson, Bill Hader). Falconer: Indecent Proposal: The Falconer (Will Forte) leases his falcon Donald to a millionaire (Jason Lee) for a night of passion. Weekend Update: French Riots: Fred Armisen and Bill Hader are French leaders discussing the rioting. Moustache Talk Show: A talk show about people who wear and enjoy moustaches (Seth Meyers, Jason Lee, Rachel Dratch, Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz). Taser Ad: A commercial for a taser company (Jason Lee, Chris Parnell, Rachel Dratch, Andy Samberg).
Eva Longoria - November 19, 2005
Season 31, Episode 6 TV-14
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The Spammies: The best spam emails are honored in this awards show. Presenters include Rita Rudner (Rachel Dratch), Megan Mullally (Kristin Wiig), and Peter Gallagher (Bill Hader) (Eva Longoria). Vincent Price Thanksgiving: A 1958 Thanksgiving Special starring Vincent Price (Bill Hader) and featuring Lucille Ball (Eva Longoria), Desi Arnaz (Fred Armisen), Clark Gable (Darrell Hammond), Judy Garland (Kristen Wiig), and Alfred Hitchcock (Horatio Sanz). Weekend Update: Steve Jobs: Fred Armisen is Steve Jobs, introducing new iPods. Desperate Housewives on Vanity Fair: The real story about Desperate Housewives Vanity Fair cover shoot, featuring Teri Hatcher (Eva Longoria), Marcia Cross (Amy Poehler), Eva Longoria (Rachel Dratch), Felicity Huffman (Kristin Wiig) and Nicolette Sheridan (Seth Meyers). German Family Band: A German family sings songs, including some that point to a fatal hunting accident (Eva Longoria, Seth Meyers, Fred Armisen, Bill Hader).
Dane Cook - December 3, 2005
Season 31, Episode 7 TV-14
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Dane Cook Monologue: Dane Cook does standup. School Announcements: A high school drama department performs the daily announcements (Dane Cook, Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, Kenan Thompson, Rachel Dratch, Fred Armisen, Kristen Wiig). Commercial Parody: Taco Town: Extreme tacos (Bill Hader, Andy Samberg, Jason Sudeikis). Sweater Sketch: Dane Cook goes to a party in an itchy turtleneck (Rachel Dratch, Seth Meyers, Amy Poehler). Lettuce: An SNL Digital Short. Andy Samberg and Will Forte in a short film about grief and lettuce. Target: Kristen Wiig and Dane Cook as Target employees (Rachel Dratch, Bill Hader).
Alec Baldwin - December 10, 2005
Season 31, Episode 8 TV-14
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Saddam in Prison: Saddam Hussein (Alec Baldwin) complaining about his trial (Fred Armisen). Alec Baldwin’s 12th Monologue: In his twelfth time hosting, Alec looks back on his time at his time at SNL (Tim Meadows). Commercial Parody: Tylenol BM: A sleep aid that makes sure no bodily functions can wake you (Alec Baldwin, Rachel Dratch). TV Funhouse: Celebrity Mugshot Poker: Celebrity Poker Showdown with animated mugshots. O’Reilly Factor: Darrell Hammond is Bill O’Reilly. His guests on the “Factor” are Rep. Barney Frank (Alec Baldwin) and Sen. John McCain (Chris Parnell). Carol Goes Bowling: On a blind date, Alec Baldwin meets Carol (Horatio Sanz) (Amy Poehler, Jason Sudeikis). Glengarry Glen Christmas: Alec Baldwin's character from "Glengarry Glen Ross" motivates Santa's elves (Fred Armisen, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, Seth Meyers).
Jack Black - December 17, 2005
Season 31, Episode 9 TV-14
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Jack Black Monologue: Jack Black sings a song he wrote for “King Kong”. Blown: A very windy day at a restaurant (Jack Black, Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler, Kenan Thompson). TV Funhouse: Christmastime for the Jews: An animated Darlene Love sings about how Jews spend Christmas. Lazy Sunday: An SNL Digital Short. Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg rap about going to see "The Chronicles of Narnia" and eating cupcakes. Two A-Holes Buy a Tree: Kristen Wiig and Jason Sudekis buy a Christmas tree from Jack Black. Spelling Bee: Will Forte is a spelling bee contestant (Jack Black, Kyle Gass, Chris Parnell).
Scarlett Johansson - January 14, 2005
Season 31, Episode 10 TV-14
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Chandeliers: A low-budget ad selling the elegance of chandeliers (Scarlett Johansson, Fred Armisen, Rachel Dratch). Sweet Sixteen: Parody of the MTV show "My Super Sweet 16" (Scarlett Johansson, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, Chris Parnell). Deep House Dish: Johansson: Kenan Thompson and Rachel Dratch are the hosts of this show about clubbing and house music (Scarlett Johansson, Amy Poehler, Chris Parnell). Engagement Ring: Jason Sudeikis wants to buy an engagement ring (Scarlett Johansson, Finesse Mitchell). Mr. Willoughby: A Merchant-Ivory film in which three women (Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Scarlett Johansson) await the arrival of a suitor.
Peter Sarsgaard - January 21, 2005
Season 31, Episode 11 TV-14
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Anderson Cooper 360: Anderson Cooper (Seth Meyers) interviews Rev. Jesse Jackson (Darrell Hammond), New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin (Finesse Mitchell) and Hillary Clinton (Amy Poehler). Commercial Parody: Baby Wigs: Hairpieces for infants (Bill Hader). Pirate Convention: Pirates invite Peter Sarsgaard to their convention because they like to say his name (Will Forte, Andy Samberg, Horatio Sanz, Jason Sudeikis, Fred Armisen). Young Chuck Norris: An SNL Digital Short. A music video tribute to the young Chuck Norris (Andy Samberg) (Jason Sudeikis, Amy Poehler, Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, Jorma Taccone). Weekend Update: Gore and Kerry: Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) and John Kerry (Seth Meyers). Peter Sarsgaard’s SARS Guards: Sarsgaard invested heavily in these products during the SARS outbreak.
Steve Martin - February 4, 2005
Season 31, Episode 12 TV-14
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Steve Martin Cold Open: When he hears that Alec Baldwin is about to tie his hosting record, Steve puts a stop to it (Kelly Ripa, Alec Baldwin, Lorne Michaels). Steve Martin Monologue: Steve welcomes Maya Rudolph back from maternity leave, just as his Viagra kicks in. Credit Card Debt Ad: Advice about debt (Steve Martin, Amy Poehler, Chris Parnell). Hamas Victory Party: Steve Martin unknowingly agrees to be the entertainment at the celebration party for the Hamas victory (Fred Armisen, Seth Meyers, Bill Hader). Two Inches: An SNL Digital Short. Steve Martin and Will Forte are old friends who re-acquaint in very close contact. Quick Zoom Theater: Dramatic camera movement enhances non-dramatic dialogue (Steve Martin, Fred Armisen, Chris Parnell, Maya Rudolph, Kenan Thompson). Tangent: An SNL Digital Short. Fred Armisen is a man who keeps talking while a show business career happens around him (Bill Hader, Chris Parnell, Conan O’Brien, Brian Williams, Scarlett Johansson).
Natalie Portman - March 4, 2005
Season 31, Episode 13 TV-14
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George W. Bush Cold Opening: The President (Will Forte) talks about the Dubai Ports issue and Dick Cheney’s (Darrell Hammond) hunting accident. Natalie Portman Monologue: Natalie answers questions from Star Wars fans (Andy Samberg, Jason Sudeikis). The Needlers: Fertility Clinic: The couple that should be divorced wants to have a baby (Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, Natalie Portman). Natalie Rap: An SNL Digital Short. Natalie Portman raps about her life (Andy Samberg, Chris Parnell, Seth Meyers). Weekend Update: Kenan’s Fashion Show: Kenan Thompson introduces his line of fashions for male black comedians who dress like women (Finesse Mitchell, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler).
Matt Dillon - March 11, 2005
Season 31, Episode 14 TV-14
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Spring Break Cold Opening: Girls waiting for their flight to leave for spring break discuss their very unsafe vacation plans (Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Chris Parnell, Paula Pell). Matt Dillon Monologue: Matt Dillon gives the Oscar speech he had ready in case he won. Doppelganger: An SNL Digital Short. Will Forte, Andy Samberg and Seth Meyers are co-workers who spend lunchtime looking for their look-alikes (Horatio Sanz). Weekend Update: Forte Sings: Will Forte explains the differences between Sunni and Shiite in song. Two A-Holes at a Travel Agency: Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Wiig want to take a trip (Matt Dillon). How to Order Sushi like a CEO: Matt Dillon simplifies sushi-eating (Maya Rudolph). Vincent Price St. Patrick’s Day: Vincent Price (Bill Hader) hosts a St. Patrick’s Day Special. Guests include Katherine Hepburn (Kristen Wiig), Rod Serling (Matt Dillon) and Don Knotts (Darrell Hammond).
Antonio Banderas - April 8, 2005
Season 31, Episode 15 TV-14
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Antonio Banderas Monologue: Antonio Banderas reveals his true gender. Commercial Parody: Basic Instinct: Sharon Stone (Amy Poehler) goes for broke (Will Forte). Deal or No Deal: The rules of this game show confuse Antonio Banderas (Fred Armisen as Howie Mandel). Julie the Operator Lady: Rachel Dratch is the voice of automated phone prompts (Antonio Banderas, Fred Armisen). Women’s Basketball Coach Fashion Awards: An award show honoring the style of women who coach basketball (Antonio Banderas, Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Kristen Wiig). Legend of Zorro: While shooting “Zorro”, Antonio Banderas employs a double (Horatio Sanz) to do his love scenes with Catherine Zeta-Jones (Amy Poehler) (Seth Meyers).
Lindsay Lohan - April 15, 2005
Season 31, Episode 16 TV-14
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Staff Shake-ups Cold Opening: Wolf Blitzer (Chris Parnell) interviews the new members of the Bush White House staff, including Lindsay Lohan as a 17 year-old press secretary (Jason Sudeikis, Kristen Wiig). Commercial Parody: Coin Slot: Lindsay Lohan and Kristen Wiig sell moisturizer for the part of your butt that shows when you wear low-riding jeans. Chocolate Vesuvius: Diners who love their dessert (Lindsay Lohan, Fred Armisen, Rachel Dratch, Jason Sudeikis). Laser Cats: An SNL Digital Short. Andy Samberg and Bill Hader create what they believe is a brilliant film, that combines two things that guarantee a hit: Cats and Lasers. First Night Out: Three shy co-workers venture out to a bar (Lindsay Lohan, Kristen Wiig, Will Forte).
Tom Hanks - May 6, 2005
Season 31, Episode 17 TV-14
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Tom Hanks Monologue: Tom answers questions about “The DaVinci Code.” (Fred Armisen, Darrell Hammond, Rachel Dratch). My Testicles: An SNL Digital Short. Tom Hanks and Andy Samberg are in a music video from the 80s. Yoga Partner: At yoga class, everyone is paired with a partner, and Rachel's partner (Tom Hanks) is particularly gross and sweaty (Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler). Colin's Place: Life at home with Colin Powell and his son Michael in the style of "Sanford and Son". Maya Rudolph is Condoleezza Rice as Aunt Esther (Kenan Thompson, Finesse Mitchell, Tom Hanks). Tennis Partners: Will Forte breaks up with his tennis partner because he has only one arm (Tom Hanks, Chris Parnell, Bill Hader).
Julia Louis-Dreyfus - May 13, 2005
Season 31, Episode 18 TV-14
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Al Gore Cold Opening: In an alternate universe, President Al Gore gives an address. MySpace: In a class to instruct parents on how to use MySpace.com, most of the attendees are creepy middle-aged men (Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Andy Samberg, Chris Parnell). Charades Game Show: Julia Louis-Dreyfus is a contestant in a classic game show from the 70s, where the charade gestures are dirtier than she anticipated. Bullhorn: An SNL Digital Short. Will Forte tries to talk Andy Samberg out of a suicide jump.
Kevin Spacey - May 20, 2005
Season 31, Episode 19 TV-14
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Andy & Kevin: Usual Suspects: Andy Samberg tries to explain to host Kevin Spacey why he was late. The Falconer: Time Traveling: The Falconer travels through time to save his pet falcon, each time picking up another time-displaced version of himself (Will Forte, Kevin Spacey). Andy Walking: An SNL Digital Short. Andy Samberg tests the intellect of the man on the street. Phillip Sarc: Kevin is the medieval Lord who invented sarcasm (Bill Hader, Fred Armisen, Chris Parnell). Neil Young’s New Album: Neil Young (Kevin Spacey) sings songs from his latest work, with lyrics that hit the nail on the head (Andy Samberg, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler).
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